Schoolyard Heroes Assassinate... Everybody

Ryann Donnelly, the vocalist of the band Schoolyard Heroes, shuddered and turned off her car radio. "I can't believe that there isn't a law or something against playing that crap." She said.
"It's just Nickelback." said Jonah Bergman, the bassist of Schoolyard Heroes, who was sitting in the passenger seat beside her, "You should be used to them dominating the charts by now."
"I know, I know," answered Ryann, "But it just seems like the DJ should give us a little peace once and a while."
"And by 'peace', you mean that Danish death-metal band you've been obsessed with lately." said Jonah, smirking, "Somehow, I don't think that would go over so well with all the mainstream-music-lovers that listen to this station."
"You know," said Ryann thoughtfully, "If those mainstream-music-lovers didn't exist... Well, we could listen to Danish death-metal all we wanted, couldn't we?"
"Are you sugesting that we...?" said Jonah hopefully.
"Indeed I am. It's time," said Ryann dramatically, "For a killing spree!"
Ryann pulled a u-turn and began heading in the opposite direction.
"Where are you going?" asked Jonah.
"To Steve's house!" cried Ryann, reffering to Steve Bonnell, the guitarist of Schoolyard Heroes, "We obviously can't kill an entire nation of people without Steve's help."
When Jonah and Ryann reached Steve's house, Ryann hopped out of the car without bothering to stop the engine.
"Steve! Steve!" she cried, banging on his door, "Jonah and I have a plan! We need your help!"
A sleepy Steve opened the door, rubbing his eyes, "Ryann, do you know what time it is?" he asked sourly, "Couldn't you wait until after eight AM to tell me your brilliant plan?"
"Oh, you won't want to wait another second to hear this plan," said Jonah, who had been left to turn off Ryann's car, and therefore had just barely reached Steve's door, "Tell him, Ryann!"
"We're going to kill all the mainstream-music-lovers in America!" said Ryann excitedly.
"But... that's over three-quarters of the American population!" cried Steve in surprise.
"Exactly! We can get the other quarter of the population to help us!" said Jonah.
"Do you think they will?" asked Steve incredulously.
"Of course." sniffed Ryann, "They hate Nickelback as much as we do, after all."
"So... Are you in?" asked Jonah.
"Of course!" cried Steve, "I'll do all that I can to help!"
"Great! Now all we have to do is recruit Brian, and we'll be set!" said Ryann.
The three of them hopped into Ryann's car and drove off in the direction of the house of Brian Turner, the Schoolyard Heroes drummer. Brian was outside watering his garden when they arrived.
"Woah. What are you guys doing here?" asked a confused Brian, "Steve, what are you even doing up so early?"
"We have important business, Brian!" called Steve, "Get in the car and come with us!"
Once Brian had seated himself in the car, Ryann, Jonah, and Steve explained their plan to him.
"Well, I'll certainly help!" said Steve happily, "So. Where are we going now?"
"Oh, I thought we'd all head over to my house." said Ryann, "I'll make us some snacks so that we have plenty of energy for the big massacre. Then, we have a show in Tacoma, which is when we'll announce our intentions to the fans. They'll help us for sure."
***
Ryann jumped into the air and spun around three hundred and sixty degrees as she belted out the last note of "Sincerely Yours, Jonathan Harker". Once the appluase from the crowd died down, Jonah made his announcement:
"Alright, I have something to say!" he cried, "But first, I need to ask you something. Are you tired of being ignored by the radio people when you request a song that isn't popular?"
"YEAH!" the crowd roared.
"Are you sick of being called a loser because nobody else likes the music that you listen to?"
"YEAH!" screamed the crowd.
"Well so are we!" shouted Jonah, getting into his speech, "And we're going to do something about it! Tonight, Ryann, Steve, Brian, and myself are going to go on the rockingest killing spree ever, and we need your help! Will you join us?"
"YEAH!" the crowd answered enthusiasticly.
"I said, 'WILL YOU JOIN US?!'" screamed Jonah.
"YEAH!" the crowd erupted in noise.
"Then come up on stage and follow me!" shouted Jonah, hopping up and down in exitement.
Jonah ran backstage, followed by the rest of Schoolyard heroes, as well as the entire audience.
"Here are your weapons!" said Ryann, fighting to be heard over the noise of the crowd, "Now go out, get all your friends, and wreak some havoc!" she began handing out knives, hammers, and anything that looked even remotely dangerous.
The crowed screamed one last time before stampeding out of the venue where the show had been. Ryann looked fondly after them.
"I swear," she said, "We have the best fans ever. I mean, seriously. Who else has fans that would go out and kill their friends and neighbors for them?"
"Come on, Ryann, we don't have much time!" cried Steve, "We have to kill everybody before the sun comes up! It won't be as much fun to do it in broad daylight!"
The band grabbed a few knives and ran out the way that their fans had gone. The sight that greeted their eyes as they reached the street was truly beautiful. Everywhere they looked, people in Abercrombie & Fitch were screaming and being chased by bloodthirsty Schoolyard Heroes fans with weapons. The band members breathed deeply of the chaos before diving in.
By two AM, there were no mainstream-music-lovers in sight, and the crusaders were slapping each other on the back good-naturedly while wiping blood from their clothes. It was at that moment that a timid fan aproached the members of Schoolyard Heroes.
"Um," said the fan, "All of us fans have talked about it, and since we killed everybody, including the government officials, we want you guys to be the new rulers of America."
"Us?" said a speachless Ryann.
"But..." stammered Steve.
"This is huge!" said Jonah, stating the obvious.
"We accept!" cried Brian jovially.
And so it came to pass that Schoolyard Heroes took their rightful place upon the throne of America, which henceforth became, ironically, the most peaceful country in the world, as well as the only one that truly rocked hardcore.
***
The End.